Learning to love

Part of what I learned from creating the content for the ‘And she flies…’ project that started this blog, is how to love my self. It wasn’t a new concept for me, the idea of self love and self compassion, but it was the first time I allowed my self to experience it, the first time I was able to put aside the notion that I wasn’t good enough to love fully just yet. It was a ‘one day’ thing. Something I was working towards.

And then it clicked. I could just start loving myself now and see what happens. I could just start accepting myself and being compassionate when I made mistakes or bad decisions. Be empathetic and understanding towards myself after being angry and explosive. Accept that I was that angry and explosive person. Fully embracing the complex being that I am, capable of anger and compassion, sadness and joy. The full range of human emotion.

From that acceptance of self, came deeper awareness, I was able to tolerate sitting with the less flattering parts of my self, my shadow side, able to witness my self, observe my own behaviour and learn from my mistakes, thus enabling greater self-regulation. Learning and growth. And I love my self for seeking that out, enduring and emerging from periods of intense personal growth and development. I love that I have been given a life that includes those opportunities and I love that I have grasped the opportunities as best I could. I love that I am able to witness the maturing of my own consciousness. And the slow death of my highly resilient, not going down without a fight, ego.

This human experience is confusing. And in a time of great change, social upheaval and political unrest, we question what is real, making it all the more difficult navigating the various challenges and difficulties we all face as humans.

I am privileged. I am grateful for this privilege. My challenges and difficulties are around equality, justice, authenticity, ethics and other existential dilemmas. I am not currently in survival mode, although I have had brief experiences, I’ve never had to reside in crisis, as so many around the world do now. And so I feel accountable to all who know me, for using this privilege to continue to work on my self, to create and sustain a healthy, loving home for my family, and to hold a space of loving kindness for all, in such a way that I can be of service when I’m needed.

This begins with me loving and accepting my self. Accepting that I am good enough and as deserving as any other, of my own love, the love of my family and this privileged life we are building together. The more I am able to embrace and trust this, the safer I feel, the more open I become and the more compassionate and loving I am able to be towards others.

Peace begins with me,

May I share it with you,

May it spread out into the world around us.


Shari x

Learning to love your self fully requires a safe space to unpack, bear witness and accept even those things we consider the worst parts of our selves.

4 responses to “Learning to love”

  1. Dear Shari, You have a beautiful home, with lots of space to allow your mind to roam free. I’m on my way to bed, and really tired, but hearing you tell your story lifts me up, and I know I’ll sleep better tonight for hearing your voice.
    Love, Dave

  2. Hello Dave, thank you, I hope you slept really well :). Wishing you peace. With metta, S x

    1. Good morning Shari! Yes, I slept well thankyou, and awoke with my wife and two little dogs for company!
      I looked up Metta, and it sounds lovely. Loving kindness to you too.
      Dave x

  3. Wonderful to hear your voice! And all that you share orally about self-live and what it means to you!

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